So you caught feelings on the wrong fishy in the sea, and they turned out to be pond scum. Possibly they just flat out ghosted you. Or maybe you got a call from a random woman claiming to be his girlfriend of the last two months? Or you just flat out realized they were a total loser and that you deserved better.
I’ve been there. I am there. This shit sucks.
As women, we have this lovely habit of taking all of the shame that comes from getting your heart horribly broken by someone. If they were lying, clearly it’s your fault for being so dumb and not seeing through the act. If they were sleeping with someone else, we tell ourselves that if only we were more attractive they wouldn’t have wanted more. They left you for a brunette – clearly, I shouldn’t be dying my hair this glorious copper color because they like more natural. And the list can go on and soon become a full essay.
It took a lot of self-love and reflection to finally understand one simple truth: It has nothing to do with us.
What people dislike about us stems from a deep insecurity within themselves. We are all so connected in our differences. If someone was to ever feel you are too “fat”, then it comes from their own insecurity about feeling “fat” themselves or their fear of it. If they think you are too bossy or independent, it comes from their fear that they won’t be good enough to keep you happy. Every time you are rejected, it comes from their own fear and insecurities. It has nothing to do with your body, your character, or your worth.
Knowing this now, I ask you to indulge in some wonderful self-love for yourself to remind you that you are sexy. That you are beautiful. That you are a one of a kind creation on this incredible planet.
All of these things I list here are things that personally helped me to get over …. we shall call him…. “Nickelback” in record time. Nickelback recently broke my heart. Nickelback sucks.
1. Get your booty to the salon RIGHT AWAY.
This is the most popular and FIRST thing you do when you are suffering from a broken heart. Have you been wanting to cut your hair for awhile but your ex loved your long hair? Get done whatever you want. Treat yourself. Personally everytime you see me change my shade of red you know that something is up. Ariel has always been my go-to girl to give me the girl power speeches that I need while she makes me feel like the most beautiful red-headed mermaid the land has ever seen.
2. Write down a list of every quality about yourself that you love.
Don’t worry about who will read it. Don’t be shy. I want every physical and internal trait you love about yourself. Written down on paper. Don’t apologize for being prideful of these things. May I be so bold to share with some of the things on my list….
Beautiful hair
Forgiving and loving
Hourglass, feminine figure
Great in bed 😉
I create the best baked goods
Animal Lover
Super awesome nerd interests that I can talk about for hours
I am way too cool for someone that loves Nickelback
You get the point. The rest of the list is for me when I am feeling crappy. Just pull that list out and re-read it.
3. Think about the things that you used to do for fun just for yourself. Now go do them.
Something I like to do when my heart has taken a good beating is trying one of my old hobbies again. You know those hobbies that you used to love before LIFE got in the way and distracted you? For me there were so many things I used to do just for my own enjoyment. So I put down any work that has to do with pleasing other people and would create art that makes my heart full. Even if it’s just a silly drawing of a Disney character. It’s fun for me.
4. Call in the the Best buddies.
Your friends with positive attitudes will really help you. It’s their job as besties to throw tons of girl power at you and tell you how damn fabulous you are. Plan a weekend that has nothing to do with trying to find a rebound or getting attention from new potential mates. Sit in a hotel room with your babes, eat pizza, smoke a little smoke or drink a little drink together, eat more pizza, make bad jokes, repeat. This way you are with people that love you and getting that connection you need in this time, without trying to simply distract yourself with a new fling. Your friends love you and will remind you of why you are freaking amazing. Listen to them. Trust them.
5. Go shopping for yourself and give 0 fucks about the price.
You know why price doesn’t matter? Because you would have totally spent whatever on something that your heartbreaker wanted. I spent about $500 total in concert tickets trying to surprise Nickelback. Nickleback would be told about these tickets, and now that I think about it would never even say Thank you. So what did I do for myself? I bought myself front row Miranda Lambert tickets. I bought a sexy new outfit without paying attention to price tags. Way more satisfying than spending money on Nickelback.
Love yourself the way you loved them.
6. Take the time and effort to care about your body.
Putting good, quality, healthy food into your body for fuel will do amazing for your mood. Before you decide to eat three pizzas over a weekend (jk I totally did that too), consider going to the grocery store and picking up some fresh food to make great meals for yourself. The food we put into our bodies affects our mood. It’s proven. So after you are done with the pizza binge for a weekend, give your body some love.
I also dove back into working out. Not running on the treadmill for hours, but hiking. Yoga. Weight training. Taking my dogs on walks or playing with them at the park. Move your body because you love it.
Do kind things to your body and you will FEEL sexy.
7. Get pretty photos of you taken.
Shameless plug. Book a fabulous boudoir session to reconnect with your confidence. My shoot with Jennifer Skog made me feel more confident than I had in years.
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