San Francisco Bay Area Boudoir Photographer | Miss J’s experience

June 24, 2021

When I decided that I wanted to be a boudoir and portrait photographer, I thought I would just be taking pretty images. As the years have gone by, I have realized I have so much more power than just taking pretty pictures. I realized I was able to not only capture the beautiful things on the outside of my subjects but the essence of who they are as well.

The more sessions I photographed, the more I saw that I had the ability to heal through these images. So many women forgot all the light they had inside them. I got to be the person to bring it back out of them, and then show it to them. I got to show them what the people that loved them saw.

And that’s true when I realized this was my passion. I want to change the world, one human, at a time. By showing them the light that they forgot.

Depression can change how we see ourselves and our world. While I know the work I do cannot cure depression, I know that it has been part of the journey for so many women to find their way into my studio. Miss J was a long-time client of mine from back when I photographed weddings full time. To be able to have been a part of this experience for her means the world to me. When I read this beautiful caption on her Instagram, I was brought to tears.

Motherhood is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. Postpartum depression is a not-so-great gift and it’s, unfortunately, the part of motherhood that barely anyone talks about. 

When Ollie was 3 months old, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I was crying all the time and working through some really scary thoughts. I went to therapy and started taking an antidepressant. I didn’t understand why I was so sad and lost when I had a beautiful little boy, a loving husband, and supportive family and friends. 

I felt like when I had Ollie, I lost my identity. I felt like I was living in a black hole. I developed a hatred for my postpartum body, I found myself not always being present as a mom and a wife, and I doubted everything I was doing from my career to what we ate for dinner. It took a lot of soul searching, me-time, and therapy, but I finally started to feel like myself earlier this year. 

To celebrate “I’m the awesome mom who loves herself,” I decided to face my fears and do a white-sheet photoshoot with my favorite photographer in the world, Heather I also met the lovely Brittany who did my incredible hair and makeup. 

These women made me feel like a rockstar! #womensupportingwomen That photoshoot was THE BEST experience, and for the first time in my life, I’m looking at the photos and not critiquing or talking badly about myself. I am in love with the photos and so proud of the woman I see. 

Of course, life isn’t perfect and I still have harder or challenging days, but with every challenge comes an opportunity for growth. If you’re a mom or anyone with depression, seek help. You’re not alone and there are affordable resources available to you.

Miss J is an absolutely beautiful soul. From the first day I met her before her wedding, I knew she was someone that I would I would want to be lifelong friends with. Her laugh and smile are contagious. She is also a brave soul for opening up about her struggles so that other’s can not feel so alone.

Postpartum depression is a battle that no one should fight alone. Remember there are so many resources for you to get the help you need. Wishing all of those dealing with this horrible ailment lots of healing light and love to guide them through. Click here for more information on postpartum depression and how you can get support.

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